Couples therapy is a form of psychotherapy that can help you and your partner to communicate and understand each other better. It can also help you identify your issues and find solutions for them. Couples therapy can be a very helpful tool in your relationship if you feel that things are not going well or there is a disconnect between you and your partner.
What is Couples Therapy?
In couples therapy, the therapist helps you identify and resolve problems in your relationship. You learn communication skills to help you talk openly about topics such as sex, money, children and time spent together. If there are trust issues between you and your partner then you can work through these as well by exploring your fears about being vulnerable with your partner.
What To Expect in Couples Therapy
When you arrive at your first session, you will be greeted by a psychotherapist, counsellor or marriage counsellor who will take some time to get to know each of you as individuals. The first part of the session usually involves learning about your relationship and why it’s important to both of you that you attend couples therapy. After these initial sessions, the actual work begins in couples therapy sessions! You will be encouraged to talk about your relationship issues and how it affects both of you individually as well as together. This can feel uncomfortable and awkward at times, but having an open dialogue is essential for progress in therapy.
As difficult as these conversations may seem at first (or even during later sessions), they are instrumental in helping both of you build stronger connections with each other by strengthening communication skills and finding alternative ways to interact when conflict arises.
Is Couples Therapy the Same as Marriage Counselling
Couples therapy is a form of marriage or relationship counselling that focuses on the relationship between you and your partner. The goal of couples therapy, like marriage counselling in general, is to help you and your partner understand each other better, improve your communication and conflict resolution skills, and strengthen your bond.
What should I look for in a couples counsellor?
When deciding on a couples therapist, it can be tough to know who to choose. You must choose a certified therapist who has clinical experience with couples therapy. The more experience they have with couples counselling, the better they will be able to meet your needs and help you deal with your specific issue.
Some wrong moves when considering a therapist and have shown to give negative results are:
- Judging the therapist based on their life choices before they accumulated successful therapeutic experience
- Choosing a therapist based on their sexuality (hetero vs another preference)
- Choosing a therapist based on their gender
- Choosing a therapist based solely on their location (close to your work or residence)
- Choosing a therapist based on price (a high price does not always equal a better qualified professional)
How to Know If You Need Marriage Counseling
Sometimes, you and your partner don’t have to look very far to find the answer. If you’re having problems in your relationship, it’s likely that one or both of you is feeling unfulfilled. You may feel like something is missing from your relationship; perhaps you’ve lost interest in each other or stopped communicating with each other. Your partner may have stopped spending time together with their friends and family. If these feelings persist for more than a few weeks, you should consider couples counselling as an option.
Who Should Consider Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy is a good option if you want to improve your relationship. Couples therapy can help you and your partner if you are struggling to communicate effectively. Couples therapy can also help both of you want to increase your intimacy and happiness by learning new ways of connecting with each other, such as through shared hobbies or goals in life.
When should you go to couples therapy?
You should consider attending counselling sessions if you’re struggling in your relationship, whether it’s because of communication issues or differences in expectations or values. You may be able to work through these issues on your own, but sometimes it can help to have an outside perspective on what’s going on with both partners. Some situations that may warrant immediate help from a couples therapist include:
You have lots of unproductive, hurtful arguments
If you’re having lots of unproductive, hurtful arguments and it has become the norm to have them, then it is a good time to seek couples therapy. If your relationship has been in a rut for a long time, or if there is a lot of emotional distance between the two of you, then weekly therapy can help you get past those issues and get on track again.
You are going through a big transition
If you are about to have a baby, or if your first child has recently started school, there may be times in your life when there is a lot of change happening. Your partner might be having mental health issues and worried about how you will cope with the new responsibilities. If this isn’t addressed, it can lead to tension between you both as well as disappointment in each other’s ability to deal with the changes. Relationship counselling can help by giving you tools for coping with stress together or individually so that you can maintain good communication during this time.
Your love life is lacking connection
When you can’t connect with your partner in a meaningful way, it can be hard to feel satisfied in your relationship. If you’re feeling disconnected from your partner, couples therapy may help.
Weekly therapy is a great way for you and your spouse if you are experiencing trouble in your relationship to explore the issues that are causing you stress. Weekly therapy will help you and your spouse understand each other more clearly, so that you can make decisions together about important matters—and increase overall relationship satisfaction.
You are longing for your partners connection
If you feel like your partner is not giving you the affection you deserve, it could be time to go and see a couples therapist. You and your partner needs to be present and engaged in the relationship as much as each other. If he/she is not, then this can be challenging. You need intimacy and connection in order to maintain the relationship, so if one or both of you aren’t making that happen, it could become problematic later.
How Does Relationship Therapy Work
Couples therapy is a collaborative process. In this safe place to talk about concerns, your therapist will listen and reflect on what you share. Your therapist will help you find solutions to your problems together with your partner, whether it shows up as a disagreement over whose turn it is to do the dishes or a fundamental difference in how each of you wants to raise kids. You get to see the underlying issues, rather than the surface arguments which are often painful, yet an irrelevant part of what is really going on.
Types of Couples Therapy
There are many types and modes of couples therapy, and each type can be very different from the next. You can choose between in-person and online couples therapy when you seek help in your relationship. Online couples therapy can be beneficial if both of you live far away from each other or don’t have the time to go in person for sessions. However, in-person therapy can also be beneficial because it allows both of you to interact with a therapist face-to-face and talk about your problems in person.
The following list will help you understand how different types of therapies differ:
Imago relationship therapy
Imago relationship therapy uses the concept of an “imago,” a conscious or unconscious ideal of your partner. The therapist helps you as a couple work toward the goal of becoming more like the imagined partner, in hopes that your relationship will improve as well.
Solution-focused therapy
Solution-focused therapy is a behavioural couples therapy approach to couples counselling, which aims to address specific issues in a relatively short amount of time by determining what needs to change for both of you and how each can help make those changes happen.
Narrative therapy
Narrative therapy is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on the stories you tell yourself and others about yourself. The aim is to help you challenge these stories and see them as less fixed than you may have thought. In essence, it helps you become aware of how you’ve got things wrong in your mind.
Emotionally focused therapy
Emotionally focused therapy is a type of couples therapy that focuses on the emotions and feelings that are connected to your relationship. It helps you to understand your emotions, how you express them and how you can improve your relationship by doing so.
How can couples counselling help?
There are many reasons why couples counselling can help. Couples therapy helps you to identify your concerns as a couple, work on solutions and understand each other better.
It also helps you to understand each other better, communicate more effectively and build a healthy relationship.
What are the Benefits of Couples Counselling?
There are a number of benefits that come from couples counselling. The most obvious one is the fact that it will reduce conflict in your relationship. As a result, you will feel less stress and anxiety when you are around each other. This can only be good for your mental health as well as your relationship satisfaction.
Another important benefit is improved communication skills between you and your partner. This leads to greater intimacy and positive commitment, which can improve the quality of your relationship.
Another benefit is that you will be able to understand your partner better. This can help you avoid conflict and arguments in the future, as well as identify ways to get along better.
Finally, it can provide a safe place for both of you to express your feelings without fear of judgement or rejection.
Is it too late for therapy?
Some relationships are healthier when they are shut down. It is nothing to fear or be ashamed of. People who felt like their hate each other end-up being best of friends and turn into co-parenting heroes for their children with time.
Setting each other free is sometimes the best decision for the couple. However, our first scope is trying to solve the issues and resolve any ongoing arguments in an effort to rebuild the relationship and strengthen the love between you.
Success rates of couples counselling
Couples counselling is a highly effective way to resolve conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen relationships. It can help you and your spouse resolve major issues in your relationships, such as infidelity or abuse. Couples counselling can also help you and your partner develop the skills needed to resolve future problems. You’ll learn how to communicate clearly and effectively, manage stress and conflict, resolve issues in a healthy way, and build trust and intimacy.
Question & Answers
COUPLES THERAPY - FAQ
About The Author
Can you have couples therapy individually?
Yes often people come for therapy to help with relationships, and one side of a couple only comes. This can help a couple grow and change even if one side is not willing to look at themselves.
Do you provide group therapy for couples only?
Currently we are not running any groups for couples but we are open to creating one should we get enough interest.
Can we bring our children to couples therapy?
It depends on the ages, if they are a baby and will not understand, or are older and can be part of the process then it maybe relevant and helpful for them, but we would consider this on an individual basis, please enquire and we will get back to you.
Do you provide counselling for polyamorous partners?
Yes we have no judgement on your type of relationship, gay, straight, monogamous or polyamorous it really does not affect the therapy process.
Do you have a religious couples counselling option?
We are not advocates of any one type of religion but welcome all, we prefer the term spiritual which to us means all people are welcome and equal regardless of ANY factor. We have a great deal of understanding of religion though, but we don’t lean towards any particular one.
Jason Shiers Dip.Psych MBACP
Jason Shiers is a Certified Transformative Coach & Certified Psychotherapist. Jason has been working with addictions and people in recovery for over 25 years now and is always looking towards the innate mental health that is inside everyone.
This therapy is a holistic view of the mind body taking approaches from psychological understandings, somatic practices and spiritual explorations such as non duality and advaita vedanta.
Jason has been cited in multiple articles about addiction, therapy, coaching and mental health and is a regular contributor to many different websites.
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