Domestic abuse is something no one is supposed to suffer from. It can take many forms– physical, sexual and emotional – and it can, unfortunately, happen to anyone regardless of race, social status and achievements. It includes any behaviour that causes fears for safety, health or well-being in another. Any actions that may seem threatening to another.
If you are struggling with domestic abuse, are living in an abusive relationship, or are witnessing violence on an everyday basis, please speak to us. We can give you guidance, even if you do not sign up for a counselling session with us. You can also contact a specialist mental health charity, such as Mind, if your mental health is affected and you are not ready to have full-blown psychotherapeutic therapy.
What is Domestic Abuse?
Domestic abuse is any form of violent or controlling behaviour within an intimate relationship. It can include physical, sexual, emotional or even financial abuse. This type of violence often happens behind closed doors and without witnesses, making it difficult to spot or accuse of. Domestic abuse can happen in heterosexual or same-sex relationships, between parents and children or elderly and their grown-up kids. It affects people from all walks of life.
An often disregarded victim of domestic abuse is the observer – the child in the closed room upstairs while parents shout and have a go at each other; the sister in the room next door, crying her eyes out listening to how their mother treats her younger brother; the elderly grandmother, no longer able to step in for her daughter while the live-in son in law breaks her life.
Don’t suffer in silence, while it can be confusing to be the receiver of this experience, it is always valuable to get a third eye on your situation and get clearer advice on what to do to get out of this situation.
What are the signs of Domestic Abuse
Domestic abuse is a complex issue. As with all forms of abuse, there are many signs that someone is being abused or abusive. The most common signs include:
Controlling behaviour
This involves the use of a series of manipulative tactics to exert power over another person.
These behaviours, which may include physical violence or threats, intimidation and isolation can be present in all types of relationships – not just your intimate ones. They also don’t always escalate with time; sometimes they can get worse quickly, while other times they slowly creep up on you until you find yourself trapped in an abusive relationship without even realising it.
If you think, you or someone else might be experiencing domestic abuse, sexual abuse or controlling behaviour then please seek help immediately.
Unrealistic expectations
The abuser may expect you to behave in certain ways and have unrealistic expectations from you. They may use gaslighting or guilt-tripping to make you feel inadequate to be with him, ultimately causing symptoms of imposter syndrome – that you do not deserve such a good man or woman to stand next to you. This can be because they feel the need for control over you, or they are unhappy with who you are and what you have become.
They may also be disappointed about something that has happened recently in their lives, such as losing a job, not getting a promotion at work, etc, which makes them feel powerless over life in general, so this leads him/her to take out their anger on you.
Jealousy and Possessiveness
Jealousy is a normal feeling. It can be what we believe makes us feel loved, safe and secure in our relationship, but it can also lead to domestic abuse. The more possessive your partner becomes, the more likely it is that you will experience jealousy issues in your relationship.
If your partner has a habit of monitoring every move you make when you’re out together or on social media or if you have experienced domestic abuse, this is a sign of control issues rather than true love and affection for you.
If they are blocking your way into new friendships, limits your communication with your family and relatives, does not let you have free time with your friends – they might be overly controlling and are abusing your love for them.
If this continues over time, then it’s likely that the situation will get worse for you rather than better – which means that there may be an abusive element lurking beneath those feelings of jealousy!
What is classed as domestic violence?
Domestic violence is the abuse of one person by another, that includes physical violence any physical boundary crossing. You may be tempted to ignore small acts of violence but they usually escalate over time. It is not limited to a man abusing his wife or girlfriend but it can take place irrespective of any gender or age. It can happen in any relationship, including same-sex couples and those in which there are children involved.
The Domestic Abuse Act of 2021 states that any abusive behaviour is considered an act of abuse, regardless if it occurred once or was a series of events. An abusive act can be any of the following:
- physical or sexual abuse;
- violent or threatening behaviour (including threats of self-harm);
- controlling or coercive behaviour (guilting you into doing things you do not wish to do);
- economic abuse (limiting your spending, controlling all your income, effectively making you financially dependent and more);
- psychological, emotional or other abuse;
How to stop domestic abuse
If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, the first thing is to get help and advice. If you think that someone is being abused and need advice or support, here are some places where you can go for help:
- Our contact form where you can reach out directly to a member of our team and receive a free initial consultation.
- Talk to someone you trust - this could be a friend or family member but it could also be your doctor, or a teacher at school
- Get support from a domestic violence service - there are many organisations across the UK that provide advice with the help of their counsellors on how best to deal with domestic violence in your own situation, as well as offering counselling services and counselling sessions if needed
- Get help from the police - if an incident has just happened then call police immediately so that officers come out and investigate what happened; they will also give you advice about what action needs to be taken next against such violence
When to report Domestic Abuse
If you’re experiencing domestic abuse, it can be difficult to know when to report the abuse.
If you’re experiencing ongoing physical and/or sexual violence in your relationship, we recommend that you contact a local support agency that can give you confidential advice.
If the abuse persists, and you feel frightened or in immediate danger, call the police.
If there are children involved, regardless of the situation and side-reasons, they might be internalising bigger issues due to witnessing the abuse. If they are direct victims of even one instance of abuse of any kind, please report it to the police.
Even if you are a neighbour, a friend, a relative – once you confirm there is abuse, report to a charity such as Mind or the local police authority. Sometimes one call can save lives.
Where to get help for domestic Violence
If you are experiencing domestic violence, abuse, harm, or sexual assault, there are several ways to get help. You can contact your local council for victim support, advice on housing and benefits, as well as for a referral to counselling services. Private practices such as Evolve Psychotherapy can help you decide on the next steps and resolve ongoing issues. There are also support groups where you can meet people who have been through similar experiences, or you can discuss in online counselling sessions. It is also very important to continue to communicate with your family and loved ones and never let the abuser limit your personal space and your ability to talk freely with others. Fight for this right, because isolation leads to worsening of the situation.
Counselling and Therapy for Domestic abuse
If you’re reading this and you think that you may be in an abusive relationship or have experienced domestic abuse, then please make the call to us as a private service for counselling or therapy to get some practical help and victim support. Having someone to talk to, maybe a friend or a family member, who can help guide you through this difficult time is also important, and we provide family counselling to help you discuss the topic and solve unresolved issues.
We can help you find a counsellor or therapist who specialises in dealing with domestic abuse victims, someone who professionally helps those who have experienced domestic violence. Our team has professionals who will know how best to support you and understand what’s going on in your situation.
There are many different types of therapies available, including, psychotherapy, group work and one-to-one sessions . You will be able to decide what works best for you after some discussions.
Question & Answers
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ABUSE - FAQ
Can you consult me on my relationship?
We cannot and do not offer advise, therapy is not advise, but we go one step further we help you help yourself figure out what is right for you in the circumstances you are in, with this you can then guide yourself through your life more gracefully and see clearly what is right for you.
What is the best therapy for DA victims?
There is no one best therapy for all things, we always take a human approach, we treat the individual, we help them see their good points and get over their struggles, it is a non linear process to an experience of a better life.
Can you help me make up with my abusive partner?
Do you provide anger management therapy?
Yes we can help you with anger, anger is often covering something up much deeper and we can see what is really going on, which will help the anger dissipate.
Can you help me get away from my controlling partner?
| We cannot get involved in the physical relationship, however we can help you make better decisions for yourself where you will be able to free yourself if you are in a domestic violence situation. |
About The Author
Jason Shiers Dip.Psych MBACP
Jason Shiers is a Certified Transformative Coach & Certified Psychotherapist. Jason has been working with addictions and people in recovery for over 25 years now and is always looking towards the innate mental health that is inside everyone.
This therapy is a holistic view of the mind body taking approaches from psychological understandings, somatic practices and spiritual explorations such as non duality and advaita vedanta.
Jason has been cited in multiple articles about addiction, therapy, coaching and mental health and is a regular contributor to many different websites.
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